I Don't Remember

I now have to set an alarm to remind myself to go pick up my son from school, because I find that my internal time-awareness is not so reliable anymore and I can easily forget other obligations and appointments. But, there is a good thing about my memory going soft. It's a subtle transfer of power. They never teach you about this in school.

My mother never learned to drive (not until she was a senile senior, when she could do some real damage). We went to school and back home via Yellow School Bus. I don't think my mother even walked us to the bus stop. It was our responsibility to get ready in the morning and to the bus stop on time. One morning, when I was nine and playing in my bedroom, I suddenly had a sinking feeling about the time and ran to the front door to see the bus motoring off down the street. My yells didn't stop the bus but they woke up my mother who was of course furious with me, and she had to call a cab to take me to school (I don't remember her coming with me, either). I told this to my son this morning as I drove him to school, and he was amazed that 1) my mom didn't drive and 2) I went to school by myself. I realize now that my mom's parenting style (or smaller skill set, perhaps) forced me to become self-reliant and to learn from my mistakes fast.

Now fast forward to 2011, and for my son and other kids his age, it's a very different way of life. Everything is seat-belted, helmeted, cushioned and padded - mama is a chauffeur/personal assistant who takes care of all his needs so that he can lead a smooth, safe, and untroubled existence. However, at some point, my son will have to start solving his own problems, and at the same time, he will grasp that he can even do this better than I. Hence, my aging and memory going soft. It's a frustrating, but necessary factor in the development of my child.

It's Life coming full circle. I have learned to look after myself, and then, to look after another little person, but life won't let me keep looking after him (not very well, anyway) and every time I fall short of his expectations or of meeting his needs, it should make him question status quo, and even, do something positive about it. Right? Wrong. Some days, he wants to curl up with mama looking after him, and everything else. Who can blame him? Like I said, they don't teach you this stuff in school.

by MO